It’s Not a Willpower Problem. It’s a Pattern Problem.

Most of the women I work with already know what they “should” be doing.

They know they would probably feel better if they drank more water, got to bed earlier, ate more consistently, moved their body, stopped saying yes to everything, and didn’t reach for food every time the day got stressful.

The problem is rarely a lack of information.

In fact, a lot of the women I work with have more information than they know what to do with.

They’ve read the books.

Listened to the podcasts.

Downloaded the meal plans.

Tried the routines.

Bought the supplements.

Started again on Monday more times than they can count.

And eventually they end up asking some version of the same question:

Why can’t I just do what I know I need to do?

That question is usually followed by another one.

“What is wrong with me?”

Nothing.

Because knowing what to do and being able to consistently do it are two completely different things.

The behaviour usually makes sense somewhere

This is where I think we get wellness wrong.

We look at the behaviour and try to get rid of it.

Stop eating at night.

Stop procrastinating.

Stop yelling.

Stop overcommitting.

Stop scrolling.

Stop drinking the wine.

Stop saying yes.

But I’m much more interested in what happens before the behaviour.

What was happening ten minutes earlier?

What were you feeling?

What were you telling yourself?

What did you believe you needed in that moment?

Because behaviour doesn’t usually appear out of nowhere.

There’s often a pattern underneath it.

Maybe you eat after everyone goes to bed because it is the first time all day nobody needs anything from you.

Maybe you keep saying yes because disappointing someone feels worse than exhausting yourself.

Maybe you procrastinate because starting something brings up the possibility that you won’t do it perfectly.

Maybe you keep taking care of everything because somewhere along the way you learned that being useful made you valuable.

Suddenly the behaviour looks a little different.

It isn’t random.

And it isn’t necessarily a discipline problem.

It may be a strategy you learned a long time ago that still runs automatically.

This is why “trying harder” often doesn’t work

If the only problem were knowledge, more information would solve it.

If the only problem were motivation, a good pep talk would solve it.

If the only problem were discipline, one really productive Monday would fix everything.

But most people have already tried all of that.

The missing piece is often understanding the pattern.

What keeps taking you back to the same place?

What triggers it?

What belief sits underneath it?

What is the behaviour doing for you, even if you hate the behaviour itself?

Those are very different questions from:

“Why can’t I get my act together?”

And they usually lead to very different answers.

Change gets easier when you stop fighting yourself

This is a big part of what I do in coaching.

I’m not looking at you thinking, “How do we get Alison to behave better?”

I’m listening for the thing underneath the thing.

The words you use.

The assumptions you make without realizing they are assumptions.

The rules you have created for yourself.

The patterns that keep showing up in completely different areas of your life.

Because once we can see the pattern clearly, we have something we can actually work with.

You don’t need another list of things you should be doing.

You probably already have that list.

The more useful question might be:

What keeps getting in the way of doing what you already know would help?

That is where I would start.

If you keep finding yourself back in the same place even though you genuinely know what to do, that is exactly the kind of thing I work with in coaching.

You can learn more about working with me here: Book a Conversation